Take care of your part of the web

Today we had a training on trauma stewardship.  Basically how to not take on the trauma of others as your own and how to not get burned out in doing this really hard work.  It was a really great training and extremely practical.  There was SO MUCH that she said.  But I will give you the highlights and things I am thinking about after it:

How do you reconcile the GREAT disparities in this world?  How do I go serve youth who have nowhere to sleep at night and have no food to eat and have so much stacked against them to get a job and really thrive in this world and then go home to my nice warm house with the fridge stocked with food and so many resources at the tips of my fingers that make it easy for me to do almost anything I want?  How do I go out to eat at a fancy restaurant when these kids haven't eaten in a few days?  How do I go out and have fun when these kids are at home being abused and/or neglected?  These are very real questions.  Over the past year or so I have been asking these questions less and have realized that it is not BAD that I have these things.  If only one day everybody had the things and resources I have.  But there is always a little bit of guilt there.  Even if I wasn't directly working with these kids.  If I worked some corporate job, there would still be some hint of guilt because of the privilege that I have.  But this is not good for anybody.  Not only does it do no good, it actually does harm.  Instead of guilt, gratitude.  I need to be grateful for the things I do have.  I need to be responsible and honest with them, but I need to enjoy them.  Instead of feeling bad for having a blanket to curl up with, I need to be grateful for this blanket.  It's nothing to feel bad about.  It would be stupid to NOT use the blanket that I do have.  Not to mention, these kids don't want to see a reflection of themselves, they want to see what they can be or what they can have in the future.

Part of what I am doing is trying to reduce suffering in the world.  I need to make sure I am not increasing suffering by not taking care of myself in the midst of this work.  Or by taking things home and then taking them out on other people.  Thereby increasing their suffering and, again, increasing suffering in the world.  What I am doing is very important, and the stakes are too high not to take care of myself.  There are so many little things to do everyday as to make sure to not bring this stuff home or to internalize it or make others' trauma my own.  I need to take breaks, turn my work phone off when I get home, take vacation days and sick days, leave time to be creative, go for bike rides, run around outside, etc, etc.  I need to know the uniqueness that I bring to this job and to these kids, but also know that things will go on without me.  The world is like one big interconnected web.  Everything is affected by everything.  Some parts of the web have been greatly compromised while other are incredibly strong.  I just need to make sure my part of the web is taken care of so as not to compromise more of the web.  If I want to sustain myself in this job, I need to have practical, concrete things that I do so as not to become hardened or guilty or burnt out or angry or self righteous or isolated.  I need to be humble always.

Lastly, be present.  This is a pretty huge deal not just in what I am doing, but generally in life.  Be present wherever you are with whoever you are with.  With my job though, this can be incredibly helpful for both the kids because they will get the most of me if I am completely present with them, but also for me because if I am completely present in the moment I can feel the things they are telling me in the moment instead of holding it in until later.  I can take it and let it go right there.  Not to say that I will not be compassionate, just saying that I don't take on their junk and bring it home with me.  I am fully present with them and feel with and for them, but then I leave it because it is theirs to take on and not mine.  I can help them deal with it and be there for them in the midst of it and show them what they can become once they get through it and empower them to take responsibility.  But ultimately it is theirs.  I need to bring my UNIQUE QUALITY OF PRESENCE to each situation.  It is one of the only things I can bring, but one of the best.  Bring myself and who I am and be fully present is the easiest and best thing that I can do for these kids and for myself.