Destiny?

Today was a busy day.  Church, then Roxy's for brunch with Marc, then REI, then Uwajimaya, the I made some soup, then I watched Forrest Gump with a few of my roommates.  Something that I have been thinking and studying about a LOT is the concept of predestination or destiny or free will or choice.  whatever you want to call it.  Have our lives been planned out for us?  Or do we make choices each day they alter the course of history and, more importantly, our lives?  Are we each here for a specific purpose?  Did God choose those whom He was going to save before He created the world?  Do we have the ability to choose what our legacy is going to be?  Are the big details worked out but the little details up to us?  Lots of questions.  And once you start answering those there are more questions that go deeper into it.  Anyways, I wasn't really thinking about it that much today.  But then we watched Forrest Gump and at the end of the movie he says:

I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.

And of course I start thinking about again.  How could it be both?  How is that even possible?  Either we have a destiny or not.  It's not like you have a destiny but you get to choose how you get there.  Then it wouldn't be a destiny.  The little things in life that don't seem to matter are what make up the bigger things in life that do matter.  So if you think we have a set destiny, then you must think that all of the little details are in place too because those effect your destiny in one way or another.  How could your destiny be set but not how you get there?  Then you may not get there.  Or, on the other hand, if you believe that our destiny is up to us and the choices we make then you don't believe in destiny/predestination at all.  You can't choose what you want but have your life be set before the beginning of time.


But I, like Forrest, want to believe both.  I ant to believe that God chose me or you or whoever to be his children before he created the world.  That he planned for his son, Jesus, to have to come and be born and die to atone for our sins as a final sacrifice.  That my ultimate destiny when my time on this earth is done is already planned out.  That God's grace allowed me to choose him not that I received his grace BECAUSE I chose him.  But that is too much for me.  There is too much that that means for my life and the world that I cannot really believe all of that.  At the same time, I want to believe that I have the choice to decide what I am going to do each day, what I want to do with my life, and what my legacy will be.  That my actions come from my desires.  That we are not all just robots living a life that has been planned out for us.  Or puppets who are being manipulated to believe that we have choices but don't really.  That the things I do, whether good or evil, are because I chose to do them of my own accord.  I dunno, am I articulating this well?  I'm just trying to say that as ridiculous as it is to believe both of these things could happen at once, I do kind of believe that they are.  I agree with Forrest.  "Maybe both is happening at the same time."


I could write about this topic for quite a long time.  Like I said, I have been thinking about and studying it for a bit now and it's been a pretty in depth study.  i am still reading things and still trying to figure out what I think.  My thoughts change each day depending on my mood or what is going on currently.  If you have any thoughts or book recommendations I would very much appreciate them.  But for now I think I will just leave you with a song lyric from Arcade Fire:

In an ocean of noise/I first heard your voice/Ringing like a bell/As if I had a choice, oh well!

Left in the morning/While you were fast asleep/Into an ocean of violence/A world of empty streets

You've got your reasons/And me I've got mine/But all the reasons I gave/Were just lies to buy myself some time

In an ocean of noise/I first heard your voice/Now who here among us/Still believes in choice?/Not I!

No way of knowing/What any man will do/An ocean of violence/Between me and you

You've got your reasons/And me I've got mine/But all the reasons I gave/Were just lies to buy myself some time